Friends

Challenges of Distance: Mobility

My Road in Retirement has become a gigantic challenge of distance; with respect to mobility and friendships. First, wheels. I have been harping on Chris to get us an accessible van for weeks and finally, we actually saw one; like discovering bigfoot is real. It was a God thing: “Hey, maybe there is a dealership here in Central Wisconsin that sells these vans,” as we traveled back to North Dakota recently (Chris family visit). And sure enough, literally 30 minutes later we rolled my wheelchair (WC) into a showroom to learn about a possible future purchase. The market for vans with WC ramps is huge but disparate; because they are scattered across the country and sold by broker houses mostly. An accessible van allows my WC to glide through a sliding side door via a foldout ramp and proceed directly into the front passenger seat. We need this mobility more than ever to drive my road in retirement. 

Challenges of Distance: Friendships

Four decades ago, when Chris and I were on the last stretch of a nine-hour distance of travel toward Grand Forks I remember crying out in horror; “Where are you taking me?” The land was flat with a mix of green and white agriculture melding into sunny blue horizon . . . for miles. Newly married, we both had new starts: Chris with graduate school and me with teaching. We were alone with no family and no friends in North Dakota; a complete restart of relationships. As I think about shifting states again, the same challenge of distance plays out with respect to friendships. Yes, I will be closer to some family after four decades, but like the exodus to North Dakota, the return to Wisconsin involves leaving many precious friendships and attempting to restart new ones. The adverse pressure of distance on friendships is a tough one.

Pillars of Friendship

No matter where we end up, I can count on powerful Godly friendships to remain strong. I used to bake a lot, and Chris asked me what I consider essential ingredients for healthy long-lasting friendships. For me it was an easy answer: faithfulness, patience and trust. These are eternal spiritual qualities, not just human ones. If I move, these essential friendship pillars will remain, preserving relationships like superglue. I have a good friend that I met over forty years ago in college. We have been separated by a few states for that long, but she remains a best of all "besties" forever; no distance can diminish our closeness. Many of us have THAT friend that endures distance, such that when meeting in person after months or years, it only seems like yesterday. 

Faithful Friend

Faithfulness is an eternal enduring characteristic of our good God, which is probably why it's so important in developing friendships. The Bible says quite a bit about God being faithful. The exact word “faithful” is used in the scriptures to describe a person that is trustworthy, dependable, reliable, and someone we can put our faith in. The word is only used 50 times in the Bible but is demonstrated in hundreds of passages as an endearing quality of Almighty God. Faithfulness is always rooted in actions: selfless sacrifice, gracious help in need, celebration in victories, caring support in grief, and straight-to-the truth conversations during conflict. Faithful friendships thrive without proximity, agreement in politics, or congruence in social standing. God's faithfulness explodes from the pages of history proclaiming his love for us who will dare to believe.

Patient Friend

The second essential quality for strong friendships in my life is patience. Proverbs 17:17 says that a friend loves at all times, and I will add that patience sustains one’s ability to love during those times that friendly bonds are strained. Chris will decry here in the middle of this paragraph that I struggle, always have, with patience. When I think a friend is letting me down, not getting back to me quick enough, and seeming to keep me at a distance, that is just my impatience, no fault of the friend. That kind of alleged friendship strain is fixed quickly with patience. I just need to give the person time, space and prayer. Or maybe I am going to always be the initiator of closing distances and so be it with patience. 

Trusting Friend

Finally, there’s that mutual trust pillar to fruitful friendship. Trust transcends time and distance, so I find myself trusting friends near me just as strongly as those I haven’t encountered in person in a month of Sundays. Trusting Jesus as a friend is a real thing for me. I trust him, even though he seems distant at times. Friendship with Jesus is made possible because he laid down his life for all of us; “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends . . . you are my friends and all things I’ve heard from my Father (God) I make known to you (John 15).” My friendship with Jesus gives me courage to trust my friends and in turn sustains an open door for their trust in me.

God-Given Friendships

I love that Jesus, God, calls his apostles friends. It doesn’t diminish my humility in also calling him Lord. Think on that a minute: the son of God who existed before time, surrounded himself with human friends. I think some of our friendships are God-given; and yes, they are a two-way street. God helps arrange the friends we have, but then we must agree and sometimes work at being friendly! Judas was initially a friend of Christ, but then he betrayed that friendship. I try to honor the friends around me, but if the relationship falters and I have done my part I must find contentment.

Retirement Updates

As an update, life has been a flurry of retirement health-related activities. Because Chris and I are both on the road in retirement, we are eligible for certain medical “helps” for me. After four months of applications, approval letters, evaluations, and signatures in blood, I was approved and received some financial assistance for a beautifully adjustable WC and an augmented assistive communication device (AAC). The WC compensates for Parkinson's Disease (PD) rigidity in my neck, so I can be rocked back to engage people, eat, take meds, and watch TV. The AAC device allows me to speak and type through the machine. It will take weeks of adjusting to both systems. Patience (self-talk)! 

The PD Whirlwind

PD is a whirlwind of change, treatments, therapies, victories and defeats. We attended a Parkinson’s symposium in Fargo in April and learned more about just how advanced I am in this wretched disease. Most of the attendees were experiencing challenges I dealt with years ago. Chris liked talking to other caregivers, so it was good we went. Medically I had to have two teeth extracted in a hospital in May, I will have another surgery in June to replace my deep brain stimulator battery, and I may have a spinal fluid analysis in July to focus on any newer Parkinson-like syndromes that could be fooling with my meds. I don’t mention my litany of challenges to evoke sympathy; they are realistic hazards and not uncommon realities on the PD retirement road. Hope abounds in the future; however, and I had a surprise Mother’s Day visit from my youngest, spent a few days relaxing (conservatory, museum, hot wings, and fine dining) with my boys and daughter-in-law in the Twin Cities, attended a sibling reunion in Wisconsin (more on that next time), got closer to purchasing a WC-accessible van, and looked at more homes in God’s country. And so, it’s onward and upward into summer! Take care, hang in there and I love you all.