Connection

Relationships

This blog is a particularly hard one for me. My husband and I attended a memorial service of a former student at a funeral home. When we arrived about fifteen minutes early there were a couple dozen young 20- to 30-year-olds just hanging out at the front entrance—everyone wearing Hawaiian shirts or leis or both. The rest of the funeral home was jam packed and several former students said hello to us as we wheeled in and found a spot near the back of one already nearly filled wing. I won’t say much more on this except that at the finality of life, there can be lasting legacy in our relationships, especially good ones. I knew the power of relationships as a teacher and unfortunately I knew that relationships run the risks of experiencing deep pain as well. Like this celebration of life memorial service.  

Connection—Finding the Imperishable

Chris asked me recently the secret to educating and I immediately told him, connection. That was why I attended the student’s memorial service; I, along with the multitude at the service had established a connection: educators, friends, colleagues, and family. God gave me a gift, and it wasn’t an ability to teach English, it was his abilities in me to make connections with students that would lead to trust and eventual learning. A smug attitude, a lack of respect for authority, a lack of confidence or tarnished view of public education were diffused by love from someone who cared enough to get to know their hearts. That’s the part of connection I was after. Once I could connect with a student’s heart, the imperishable eternal part of their person, then educating was easy.

Jesus the Great Shepherd

On my road in retirement, I look back at my life as an English teacher at Community High School, a safety net for at-risk teens, and I think my secret sauce for connecting came from something Jesus Christ did for me nearly fifty years ago. The scripture that came alive for me during that time is a very common one:

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil,  for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” Psalms 23:4.

I too was at risk of not making much of my life. I was in a dark shadowy place and as with David, God came into that valley with me with his rod and staff; taking away my fear and encouraging me to walk on. It wasn't a sweeping intervention by Jesus, but simply his presence to take away fear, and his rod and staff to prod me along the path he set before me.

Rod and Staff

That was my breakthrough as a young kid; to know Jesus was there with me, to guide me, not to rescue me. I had to keep walking. He had a rod to tap me back to attention and discipline me for my good; and he had a staff to gently pull me in the right direction or keep me steady through the dark valley. As a teacher at Community, I found myself mirroring these actions toward my students, best I could: I connected with a commonsense toughness and discipline (rod) balanced with a love and encouragement (staff) to help these young souls get on and stay on a path of success. Educators sometimes lean on one or the other, but both are necessary, rod and staff to establish life-changing connections. Fears in these young souls would melt away, and the spirit within them would find comfort in new confidence—that they could learn, make a difference, and find purpose.

Find Those Imperishable Qualities and Connect

Of course, my teaching days are long gone now and so are my opportunities to connect with young, spirited souls like the young gentleman being celebrated with leis and stories of relationships. But in the near term here on my road in retirement with all my Parkinson’s baggage packed neatly in tow, I look forward to traveling to connect with friends and family. Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays are upon us; probably the most active season for connecting in America, at least potentially. I encourage everyone to engage in these next few weeks by defocusing any exterior conflicts, disagreements, or differences and connect. Maybe do what the apostle Peter says in 1 Peter 3:4 and focus on the “the hidden person of the heart, where lies imperishable qualities like a gentle and quiet spirit, things that are precious in the sight of God.”

RIP Cole. Your kindness and joyful caring heart were precious to me as a teacher, you excelled in my class, and I was honored to have connected with you. You left us far too soon. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.” Psalms 23:4.