Care

The Nature of Caregiving

Today’s Road in Retirement is a grueling highway dedicated to caregiving. Before we all yawn and stop reading, think for a second about caregiving; it impacts all of us either as givers or recipients of care. We take care of a sick friend or family member for a few days, we provide care for an aging parent or parent figure, we care for a baby’s every need, and the list goes on. Some of us, are even paid to care for others as doctors, nurses, and professionally trained caregivers. But here is the fork in the caregiving road. Often, we, me included, simply aren’t prepared for rendering or receiving care. We are driving down the road of life and suddenly on a remote stretch of pavement we find ourselves in a situation where either we or a loved one needs care to survive. I am living proof that if we find ourselves on that spooky road, and we turn earnestly to God, he is the answer. He always provides new sources of strength, help, perseverance, kindness, and love; essentials “necessary” to overcome the shock of being unprepared. In some way shape or form, God has always supplied me and Chris with that “necessary.”

Eileen as Caregiver

I was a caregiver once—two babies, several foster kids over a five-year period, and many many classrooms of at-risk high school teens. During my nineteen years as an English teacher in an alternative high school I found myself deeply caring for my students; urging them on to success. I’m going to see some of these “care recipients” at a 40-year alternative high school reunion next week! It was engrained in my spirit to care. Rebellion against learning was a common plague for some of these kids, and I get that. And I am no great teacher, but God and I sneakily found ways to stimulate their learning. There was one attitude; however, that I couldn’t stomach and it surfaced as a three-word sentence, one of the words a conjunction. It was the phrase “I don't care.” It wasn't so much that I wanted to scold them for those painful words as much as it was that I wanted to reveal to them somehow how much I cared about them. Care—a word of monumental proportions and meaning especially for me today in my current condition. Today, I’m the one who needs lots of care.

Care Surprises but God Arises

Many of us get surprised with the suddenness of needing or rendering care. I felt bad at first needing so much care, but I was helped by God. The birth and death of Jesus are prime examples of God’s provision of care. I never worry now, God provides. He showed me that even his son was thrust into the sudden unplanned world of human care. When Jesus was born, he, the son of God, needed care. His mom had been surprised with the news nine months earlier and accepted her role as caregiver . . . of God. She took on that caregiving role with courage and trusted in God, in the midst of scandal; not yet even married to Joseph. We see in the book of Luke how she found strength, bravely diving into her role, changing diapers, treating rashes, feeding, consoling, clothing and protecting God (Jesus). Care. And when Jesus died on the cross another soul engulfed with strength and courage from God to care, went to the Roman authorities, secured permission and then delicately cared for the bloodied, beaten, and scarred body of Jesus. Care. Care surprises but God arises.

We Didn’t Sign Up for This

When Chris and I talked about this blog we discussed how Chris especially didn’t know what he was in for; he didn’t sign up for this. I felt it was unfair to him. But he said the same thing everyone says when having spiritual structure that is ready in season and out: “I trusted God, I guess. I love you, but He loves you more, so he provided the sources of strength, the ability to learn how to care, well.” Chris went on to say that the one thing he desperately needed in order to take on this role of caregiver was kindness. We didn’t sign up for this disability and challenge, but here we are experiencing God’s kindness, nonetheless. 

The Kindness of God

The scriptures use variations of the word kind or kindness over 300 times. In the context of caregiving, the kindness of God must be accessed. Some people are inherently kind, but thrust into unprepared caregiving situations, kindness easily flees. Chris and I find it hard to explain, but somehow, perhaps through prayer and scripture devotion, God has provided new and different spiritual powers or gifts within us like joy and kindness. Kindness is more of an action than a feeling and God’s unfathomable love and empathy fuel this unnatural kindness that good caregivers splash all over people like me. There’s a verse in Ephesians 2:7 that says in heaven it will take an entire eternity of sunsets in human terms for one to realize and experience the fullness of the grace-filled kindness of God. God's kindness is always there for us and God is already starting that eternal quest in Chris and me.