Purpose Lost

God’s Gifts 

When I decided as an eighteen-year-old college sophomore to start trusting and following Jesus, my purpose became clearer as I noticed new abilities. God began getting involved in my stuff, not in do’s and don’ts, but in new desires and abilities. The book of 1 Corinthians says that God distributes gifts to each believer to empower them in their spiritual or heavenly purpose. They may realize a new ability to teach the ways of God, find special faith to pray for miracles, or even administrate in some way that benefits the church or body of Christ. Verse seven of that chapter says, “God works all things in all persons and gives to each manifestations of the Spirit for the common good.” I started to notice my own God-given gifts.

My Gifts and Purpose

Early in my new faith, I had this uncanny “manifested” ability to organize and lead things for good, like activities, committees, events, and bible studies (the organizing/NOT the teaching). It wasn’t learned as far as I could tell. I also had a mercy for underprivileged teenagers; just a drive to get into their heads and help them navigate life. Administration and mercy are spiritual gifts in the Bible, and I found purpose in using them for God’s glory. But in March of 2022, my ability and gift to connect with teenagers died, and then in May of 2023 my ability to organize events in my local church died. My purpose was lost. 

Teaching Purpose Lost

I stopped teaching kids in the Spring of 2022. Parkinson’s Disease (PD), after about 15 years, had jumped to a new level of physical disabilities that left me unable to give my at-risk teenage students a good English education. I quit and went on disability. A year later, my deep brain stimulation surgery which was supposed to help my PD went south and I was left to stare at a blank sheet with the title “Purpose” at the top. On a happier note, though, I got over the loss of purpose in teaching kids quickly because that is the normal progression of life, right? We get educated or skilled training, we get a job, we do that job for a lifetime, and then we retire from that job and drink old fashioneds and Spotted Cow until we die. It was a grieving time, but not some long process of graveling in pity with this purpose lost. It was an early exit from a 19-year career that was eventually going to end. Precious coworkers, family, and friends eased my pain as much as they could with a retirement party, accolades, priceless smiles, and a Star Polisher award. But that special mercy I had from God to help students succeed was now concluded, I guess. There are instances where that purpose shows up on my road in retirement, like when I bump into former students. Most have smiles, careers, kids, and gracious greetings; so, the warmth of that mercy gift that I relied on in the classroom continues a little like a pilot light. 

Social and Spiritual Purpose Lost

Concerning my social and church (spiritual) activity, I was completely discombobulated. For three decades I had exercised my administrating, organizing, and leadership gifts with gusto: volunteering at the church community food bank, serving on committees that benefited the many, getting involved in donation campaigns, helping administrate benevolent compassion offerings to those suffering in need, and even serving six years on a church council. Socially, I was jokingly referred to by our 12-member bike group as the EP and Chris as the EPA, standing for event planner and event planner’s assistant. Now, however, my inability to type and use a mouse on my computer or even access apps and phone numbers on my iPhone makes it impossible for the EP to operate in her God-given gifting. I lost my purpose.

Purpose Found?

Before all of you start searching the obituaries for my arrangements, let me give you a glimmer of hope; our purposes in life may change, but our Holy Spirit giftings remain with us. Perhaps those gifts are used differently, or they are simply less apparent. There’s a Bible verse in 1 Thessalonians Chapter 4 that says, “practice loving one another and make it your purpose to lead a quiet life, attend to your own business, and work with your hands.” My hands don’t work very well, and I am good at being quiet now, but one gift I can exercise with grand purpose is loving others. Purpose lost and purpose attempting to be found. I’ll explain what’s happened to me on the latter end of that sentence next blog. Love you all.