Badges

     In my early years, rest was a four-lettered word. I never had time to rest. I was too busy. I had papers to grade, meetings to attend, and parenting duties to attend to.I was too busy to slow down. Not that I wanted  to. What would I do with my well-earned badge of busyness I proudly displayed for all to see? And those who missed the badge surely couldn't tune out my recounting of my schedule just to reinforce me busyness. I found my sense of worth in the number of activities I could enmesh myself in. Don't get me wrong.The busyness was something I wanted, something I took pride in. In all truthfulness, I was hiding in those activities so I wouldn't have to face the problems in my life,

    I was rotten at resting; something I was clueless at doing. So instead of taking the time to figure it out, I piled more busyness on myself and continued to wear the badge with pride, There were no spontaneous trips to Dairy Queen for my boys or spontaneous trips to the park or any other destination. Mom was too busy earning and wearing her badge.

    How many of us do  the exact same thing? We bury ourselves in so much stuff, we can barely breathe. We fill our dance card so full so we don;'t have to confront ourselves and deal with what's really troubling us. Us, Look no further for the source of your discontent than yourself. We perfect the badge wearing as a way to minimize what's really bothering us--our unhappiness with life as we know it, or our unhappiness with ourselves. I was so miserable with myself, I didn't want to rest. That would give me time to think and ponder  my current state of being. That was the last thing I wanted. Activities offered me an escape--one I readily latched onto regardless of the  price.

    These days I welcome rest and all of its introspection.  It's freeing  not to base my self-worth on what I  can accomplish or do, but rather on who I am and how I treat others. The soul needs rest. I am  convinced of it. If only to give ourselves respite from badge wearing. And in that reprieve, may you find yourself to such an extent you can make peace with yourself and retire your badges.