Solitude

    Quiet. I heard that word often exclaimed toward me when I was a child. The irony of hearing this word screamed in my direction, always seemed weird to me The old adage "Do as I say, not as I do" certainly rang true to me then. But the silence yearned for back then is a different kind of isolation sought after today.     

    Today my world revolves around solitude. Only in some ways the quiet around me seems almost forced. And it is kind of. I may be retired, but I'm not saying I longed to be. Had I not had physical challenges, retirement would be as far away from me as a North Dakota horizon. Despite the fact of my forced seclusion, I have to admit this solitary lifestyle is growing on me.

    In my former life, I was a doer. If I saw a need, I did. One time a friend and I were in a good PD-class where we were learning about something in which we were interested in learning. She turned to me and expressed her desire to see something like the format we were experiencing offered to students in the areas of reading and writing and so was born the WAR ( writing & reading) for Literature conference for teens. We raised money, brought in a young adult author and arranged breakout sessions for teens to attend all on a Saturday. I was excited about the event, and worked hard to make it successful---and it was. For the years we were in charge.

     Times of solitude were rare in my former life. Ideas of things to try in my classroom besieged me at all hours. I would write grants, bounce ideas off colleagues, and more. Truly, if I wasn't busy, I wasn't happy. However, all that has changed. And the change is good. I'm relearning how to be a human being, not a human doing. Sometimes I miss the busyness, but often as not I am occupied with befriending solitude.

    As much as my years of a frenetic lifestyle shaped me, I am hoping to gain even more from my solitary journey. It's time for me to rediscover myself. To be content in quiet.  To listen to and obey that still, small voice inside me. To take the time now I have, and be parsimonious in where I spend it and  in what I do. There are a few things I've acquiesced to, but I parse my time niggardly. And I'm okay with that.

 

     If you have a season of solitude, embrace it, rediscover yourself, and learn to listen. You never know what you might hear, what you might learn, and how you might grow. The quiet I seek now is far different than the quiet clamored for in my youth. And that's a good thing.